Shayla Felty (Shay Felty) Mount Sterling, Kentucky Kentucky

The man who I have loved for the past 6 years texted me and said he wanted a divorce. I thought it was a joke, some sick co-worker thinking he is funny by taking my husbands phone and writing a ridiculous text. As I called repeatedly to try to understand the reason behind this text with no answer, it began to sink in, no one would take his phone and write that, he did. || He finally answered and the only thing I could think to say is”what the fuck bruce?” Is this serious, the tone in his voice told me immediately just how serious he really was. I was devastated, unsure what to do, confused on what could make him say he is unhappy and wants a divorce. I pushed him for answers, he wouldn’t say anything, but since he was at work when he texted me I had to wait for his break to talk to him about it. || On his break he called, he was so happy, like a weight had been lifted by him asking for a divorce which broke my heart even more than it already was. I asked repeatedly why, Why would you want this? Why all of a sudden do you not want to have a future with me? He wouldn’t say anything other than he was scared to tell me and that he was unhappy, frustrated I waited for him to return home. He came through the door with a smile on his face and I sat on the couch crying. || We set there for an hour in what you could only explain as an interrogation, I never raised my voice, I was too upset and hurt to show any anger towards him. I never got a straight answer of why he felt this way. I slept on the couch that night and the next morning we talked a little, I asked if he still loved me and he said,”I don’t hate you” That hurt so bad but he said it would be best for me to leave because”he just wants to be single for a while.” so I go to my sisters house, for 3 days, I call him and asked him if he was feeling any better about us and his response was”I haven’t really thought about it” How could he not be thinking about what hasn’t left my mind since the moment I got the text? How could he not miss me as I did him, I have so much love for him that I couldn’t handle not hearing his voice, feeling his touch, or breathing him in. How could it be that he had fallen out of love with me without me even noticing it? || The more I analyzed the past few months, trying to find signs of him feeling this way; The more I saw that I had overlooked. He hadn’t been having sex with me and when we had, I had said something about how we hadn’t in so long. I noticed that the things I would say never got replies, I noticed he hadn’t wrote he loved in a text in a long time and that things, at least for him, had really changed. || I tell him I realize this is my fault, I should have been a better wife, named off everything I could think to try to explain I can change anything for him to give me another chance, he wouldn’t. He refused counseling, he doesn’t want to try to make it work, and he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship. I begged, pleaded, I would have done anything for him to say he would at least try but he said no to everything I suggested. The longer I stayed at my sisters the colder and distant he became. The night before I returned he turned his phone off, knowing I was going to call. This drove me crazy, how would I sleep if I couldn’t hear his voice? I wanted so badly to just run home and hope he welcomed me with a big hug and kiss. I just wanted things to go back to how they were, act like I never got the text and go on with my life care free and in love with my soul mate. I still wish I could just get into his mind and understand why my life needs to come crashing down for his life to be happy. || Now I am faced with a situation, I can continue to sleep on my sisters couch, who couldn’t afford to take care of her own children, let alone me; or bargain with my husband about picking up the pieces of my life and moving on. I have no drivers license, no car, no job. The idea of me being able to walk out of the home we shared and start fresh was literally impossible. So I came home. || MY husband came home from work and called me. I was inside the house and he didn’t know it yet. I talked to him for a minute and then walked outside to see him taking our trash out to the curb. I started crying and he walked away. I realized seeing me after a week didn’t spark up any feelings he had. It hurt so bad to know the man who I love and have loved since I was 16 could just turn his back to me and walk away , when all I wanted to do was leap into his arms and embrace him. There was a cold silence, I tried to open him up, chit chatting like friends and he had shut down. I slept on the couch and he slept in our bed. || He goes to work and we are texting back and forth, more me texting and him writing back about 1/10 of the time when he texts and says. I wont be home tonight. I respond”why” but before he could respond to my question I call. He said to go to his friends house to play games. I know we are broken up and telling him he couldn’t wasn’t an option, maybe this is what he meant by he wants to be single, he wants to come and go as he pleases and not worry about anything other than what he wants. I tell him to have fun. || That night the unthinkable happened, my dad had a seizure, so I tried to call him. HIs phone was off again. Why would he turn off his phone? Did he not want to talk to me so bad he was going to go to his friends house and just act like I don’t exist? I needed a way to the hospital and he had all the money and the car. I needed to get ahold of him. I googled the guys house and was about to walk the 30 miles to his house in order to get him to give me a ride to the hospital when I called and his phone was back on. he answered saying he was about to walk into work. I asked him to call me on his break and he did, i told him everything that had happened and how my father was being released from the hospital, he came home that night and I cried in his arms, we slept in the same bed and he held me while I cried. || I woke up the next morning before he did, as I lay there and watched him sleep, all I could think about is how my life is falling apart and no matter what I do. I am not in control of changing anything, I have no choice but to go with the flow and hope for the best. He was nice when he woke up, I hadn’t ate in a week at this point and he got me a sandwich from a fast food restaurant. I didnt want to eat but he insisted. I was able to stomach 3 bites before I got sick. He went to work and I got a call from my mother, my father had another seizure and was back in the hospital. They said he had tried to kill himself in so many words. I call my husband and tell him about it, my dad and my husband are the only 2 men in this world I love and in my opinion, now that my husband said he doesn’t love me, the only person who really loves me is dying which is enough to kill me. I ended up taking 2 of my anxiety pills and falling asleep. My husband called at 1:30am but I missed it because it didn’t wake me up. || I woke up at 7am and my husband had never come home. Unlike last time, he didn’t tell me he wouldn’t be home or where he was going. I called him as soon as I realized he didn’t come home and he had once again turned off his phone. Knowing where the friend he had stayed with before lived, I got my brother-in-law to drive me past his house just to make sure he was there. He wasn’t. I knew what that meant. Not only was he not there, chances are, he hadn’t stayed there the previous time either. I was devastated. Is this why he wanted a divorce all of a sudden? Is there another woman in his life? Has he been cheating on me and I was just to blind to see it? I continued to call until 1pm when he finally answered. I asked where he was and he wouldn’t say, I said did you stay with steve again? He said yeah, in a tone that showed he was lying. I said I know you wasnt there, where are you? He said”it’s ok””it’s ok” it’s ok” and refused to tell me where he had been. I asked if he was coming home and he said not right then because he had to be at work by 3pm. We got off the phone within 5 minutes. and I just figured I knew what happened but was ready to forgive him before I even spoke to him. I love my husband so much that I can look past the behavior that has overcome my loving husband and turned him into a hurtful and shady man over night. Then at 2:00pm I got a call from my mother. My dad was coming out of sedation when his heart stopped. I fell to my knees, if there is a god, he is really having a blast destroying my life in one big swoop. My mother said they used the paddles on him and brought him back but he was not in good health. I called my husband and told him what had happened, he could barely understand me because I was crying so hard. We talked about it for a few minutes and I let him get off of the phone. That wasn’t enough for me though. While my dad was dying, my husband was laying with some woman. That is something I will never be able to look past or get over. At the worst moment of my life, my husband was showing some other woman his feeling for her. Even now, the thought of it is making me sick to my stomach. || After speaking with my husband who told me he had to be to work and couldn’t take me to see my father in the hospital. I called everyone I knew looking for a ride, I found a ride from my sister but unfortunately due to car trouble we only made it to the next county. Seeing as her car was drivable but not safe I told her instead of driving the 25 miles back to my house to just drop me off at my husbands work and I would wait until 3am when he would get off work and he could take me home. I wanted to speak with him about his actions the night before and try to get an answer to where he was. Time goes by and at 11pm my husband walks out to the car. He hadn’t called or told me that he wasn’t working until 3am he was just walking out and leaving. to go where though? Home to me or to the woman whom he had stayed with the night before? He sped home, the entire time I continuously asked who were you with? who were you with? you wouldn’t lie about where you stayed last night if it wasn’t with a woman. He said finally, Shayla… I almost couldn’t believe it but, I began yelling at him, to this day I can’t remember what I said but I know it wasn’t very nice. This lasted about 15 minutes until we arrived home and I called”steve” in his phone address book. low and behold, a woman answered. I screamed and shouted. but she hung up. He said give me my phone and I tossed it across the yard screaming here is your fucking phone. Then I looked at him and said,”Out of all the ways I thought I could lose you, I never thought in a million years you would be capable of this.” I was crying and an emotional wreck. I saw his eyes tearing up and then he walked to go find his phone. I went and got his phone and handed it to him and walked into the house. He went around the back of the house and let our dogs out of their pen to run around, while he fixed a hole they had dug trying to get out. I went out back and said some things I care not to repeat, but then I looked at him and said”how can you have no emotion over doing this to me?, At the moment my dad lie dying in the hospital you had your arms around another woman. When I needed you most in my life you were kissing her” He began to cry and I walked around the house to respond to a text I had just gotten from my sister who was wanting to know if everything worked out ok, knowing the situation she was hesitant to leave me at his work in the first place. I talked to her and then went inside. I sat there still, holding my breath, trying to freeze time and forget my life is over. I stood up and went to go talk to him and tell him I was sorry for about 1/2 of what I said to him and he just kept said he was sorry. || I went inside and sat on the couch and went to go check my phone which I had left laying on my dresser when I hear a sniffle. I look over and my husband is in the bed, crying. I lay down next to him, ask him to hold me and he does. We lay there silent and I just breathe him in, not knowing if I ever will again get the chance to feel his arms around me. Even though I know he was with another woman, I try to forget it and just let the moment consume me, we end up fooling around and before I began to give him oral sex he says”you know this doesn’t change anything” I knew this, I after all was the one who suggested it in the days prior as a way of fulfilling his needs so he didn’t stray during our separating in hope we will get back together, and because he is good at it and believe it or not I like having sex too. || The next morning I awoke next to him, this was such a great feeling. I have so much love for him and he knows I do. It then began to sink in again, we aren’t together, he doesn’t love me and I start to cry, I go take my anxiety meds and walk outside to drink a cup of tea and smoke a cigarette. As I set there, watching our dogs run up and greet me, I set and think. how can I possibly move on from this? He has been my sole provider, my love, my best friend. He is the only person who knows my deepest secrets and helps me lift my chin when I get down about certain things. So how am I going to survive and be happy without him. I begin to cry and go inside and lay back down next to him, I reach over and put my hand on his waist and pull myself close. Thinking about how can I still love someone so much that has made it clear he doesn’t love me anymore. I lay there for what seemed like 5 minutes but in reality was and hour just holding him wishing so badly he would wake up and realize how much he loves me. This of course didn’t happen. || I was still determined to go see my father who was in the hospital. I called everyone I know again and was able to set up a ride from my husbands work to my fathers house with my friend or her grandmother, where my brother would take me to the hospital from and then take me back home. I rode to work with my husband and ended up waiting all day for the ride to my fathers, my brother didn’t answer his phone all day and I had to sit there. My husband came out at his break and brought me a pop, and set in the car with me on his breaks. It was sweet, I was seeing a nice side of him again, he wasn’t blocking me out or ignoring the conversation I was trying to solicit. I secretly was happy no one came. He was being nice all day and if I left he may return to the same cold standoffish person he had become a week earlier. || When he got off of work we went and picked up dinner and rode home. He was smiling at me and winking, showing interest in me, while it felt amazing for him to look at me the way he did when we were a couple, It also confused me on why he had the sudden change of heart, he hadn’t said he wanted to be back together but he hadn’t been acting like we was apart. When we got home, I having not had sex in over a week was extremely ready to take full advantage of my husbands obvious desire to have sex, we went to bed and he caressed me, and kissed and, what felt like to me, made love to me. I loved it but as soon as we was done, I began to cry, I cried because I knew that he wasn’t mine, that he didn’t love me and that it meant nothing to him. I didn’t let him see me break down. I went into the other room and cried for a minute and then came out and went to bed. || I awoke the next morning happy. What seemed like an impossible feit had happened mere hours ago and I finally got to feel his touch on my skin, his soft kiss and was able to breathe him in, even if it was the last time ever, I was gratified, almost as if I had closure. || The next few days nothing changed we were happy and not talking about the relationship which seems to relieve him of my constant thoughts of what is to become of us. On the third day he returned home. I was in a baggy t-shirt and underwear, I kept catching him looking at my breasts which was enough to make me pretty much want to beg for it. I asked if he wanted to fool around and he said he was falling asleep, I sighed, turned off the black light, unrobed and crawled into bed next to him and hugged him, we soon had sex and this time I decided to do it so we weren’t facing and I wouldn’t risk seeing his face and crying. We awoke the next morning and he was already late for work so he rushed out the door and wasn’t even going to tell me good-bye. He has been giving me hugs before he leaves for work everyday and that in some way always made me feel better about us not kissing each other and saying I love you and good-bye before he walked out the door. || The few weeks we’re ok, he said he had quit talking to her, we were having sex and I really thought he was coming around. Well, He had been working every weekend and one sunday he goes to work, comes home. He is looking at me like he loves me, he goes to take a shower and I check his phone for texts from her. He deletes them but I saw a new feature and didn’t tell him about it where it saves texts and calls from blocked numbers for 24 hours. I had blocked her number and wah la! 3 texts.. I read them, the first one said”getting ready for you :)” I was enraged, he lied.. Again. I thought we were slowly making up and he went to her house but said he was working. I barg into the bathroom, start cussing him, what lasted about 2 hours all seems a blur now but I called her cussing her existence but she again hung up, I left two 3 minute voicemails, I told her he had been sleeping with me & that he had given me an std, that we had been together for 6 years, trying to have a baby for 4 of those years and so much other stuff I can’t even remember, then i keyed his car, stabbed his seat and beat the crap out of him but he eventually told me everything. or what I think is everything. They had been having sex and dating for a couple months, by the end of the night I had him agree to stop seeing her, to call he in front of me and break up with her. || The next morning I go to work with him and he calls her. He says”I think we shouldn’t hang out anymore until we are separated.” This made me mad, this isn’t what he agreed to. He said he wouldnt even look her direction but he just said”hang out” and”until.” I set in his car waiting for him to get off work, It is killing me that he didn’t actually break up with her. SO, I texted her. I said”nothing I said last night was a lie, he has been trying to work shit out with me, telling me that you are a lesbian and I am going to tell everyone what type of person you are, we have been having sex almost every night and he told me you mean nothing to him, all he wanted was pussy and he got it because you are so easy.” She didn’t respond. I wrote”no response? What, Are you too busy? well, take the dick out of your mouth for 5 seconds so we can set a time and place” No response again.. I gave up figuring she knew all this anyway so why would she respond. Then I get a call from my husband who, with a slight whimper in his voice said”quit texting her” I said”oh, so she will text you but not me?” He said”she just came running up screaming at me in front of my supervisor, She showed me the texts, STOP, you’re harassing her” I say”she doesn’t know what harassment is yet but ok, I will quit texting her just like you did..” We got off the phone and about 2 hours later my husband comes out, he said that I needed to leave because she was scared I was going to beat her up. I laughed and then said”I quit texting her, and I told her I wouldn’t beat her up because I was pretty sure she is mentally challenged and that wasn’t socially acceptable.” He took me home and I waited, he called at 11 and said he was getting off work and was on his way. He came home and we went to bed, I didn’t tell him good night, I just went to sleep. || The the next morning, as soon as my eyes open I began crying, I knew he had been with a woman, but I thought It had ended and that we were rebuilding our marriage slowly but surely and all along he was being intimate with another woman. The thought of it made me sick, I had given him oral sex and he had had sex with her multiple times, I had looked her up on facebook and she is what one would call, a buck toothed bull dog. Yep, I would say that is an accurate description. Knowing it was someone that nasty made it so much more sickening, I threw up and then brushed my teeth, smoked a cigarette and laid back down, making a mental note to NOT think about them having sex because you might picture it in my minds eye again and went to sleep. || I woke up 30 minutes later and I was laying there, thinking back on how he was sleeping beside me 2 weeks ago and the mere sight of him next to me and knowing I couldn’t have him killed me but all I could see is a man who had promised me forever, lied and in doing so, did it the only way I ever begged him not to do. I saw a man who had destroyed my trust and ripped my heart out, being cold and down-right mean. I knew then I didn’t want him back. It hurt like hell and I would take him back but it would never work i could never trust him again. Everytime he left home I would wander if he was really where he said he was. I don’t want to live like that. I trusted him completely and was faithful to him when no other woman would have stayed except for the really good ones. Yet he still cheated on me with a woman that isn’t even good looking. I constantly thought about why would he cheat on me with someone like this? Does this show his self esteem somehow? And how could he, knowing this woman for less than 2 months care more for her then he did me? I did what all the books said not to do, I dwelled on the other woman, I hated her. After hearing for myself her saying to my husband”your wife.” I drove myself crazy. She knew about me, knew he was married and was still having sex with him. That is low down. || The next two days I didn’t speak to him about anything. I still slept in the bed with him and for the first time ever, while laying next to him, I didnt hug him and tell him goodnight, because I was so hurt that he could touch another woman, kiss another woman, even the thought of him flirting with someone hurt me greatly. All along I set and thought the same things; why would he cheat on me with someone like this? , How could she, knowing he was married and was still be willing to have sex with him? || I posted some nasty comments to social & chatting sites. After a week, I didn’t have the satisfaction of hurting her back so I decided to up my game. I started plotting, how can I keep her unhappy and at the same time away from my husband, even if I didnt want to be with him, I would make sure she wouldn’t get a relationship with him, come hell or high water I am going to make sure her life is ruined. So what to do I ask myself, many great ideas come to mind. but the real plotting doesnt even start to begin yet but man it will be GREAT. || This is as far as I have gotten into this part of my life. I will try to post an update but as of now, I think she has backed off. || || >

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